Needing some motivation

I am not in the mood to eat healthy today.  I am not in the mood to drink a gallon of water.  I want to be crazy and eat bad stuff.  But I know better.  Just needed to let that out.  Yesterday was definitely NOT a clean day.  I will talk more about that later.  Right now, I need to eat breakfast.  It would be very easy and convenient to hit the drive thru.  Stay strong.  Stay strong.  Stay strong. STAY STRONG!

GNO

Tonight I went out with two of my closest friends.  I always have the best time with them.  I love how they have known me for so long, except when they remind me of all the not so wise decisions I have made in my younger days.  We went to one of my favorite places for dinner and wine.  I am so bummed because we had horrible service.  The service was so horrible that we didn't even get to order dinner before the kitchen was closed.  I guess that has a silver lining.  I didn't eat as much.  We had a cheese plate and split a bottle of wine.  Then, we went back to my friends house and sampled cupcakes.  So, totally not a healthy night.  But I enjoyed it and had fun.  Tomorrow I actually have to work and it is late.

Swimming

Today has been a really great day of swimming at the pool.  I truly love spending time with my sister and mom.  It is so comfortable.  It is so home.  My kids are getting to be little fish in the pool.  I really need to try and be easier on them.  I know that I am always disciplining too much.  It is a constant struggle of mine.  Before heading out for the pool I whipped up my Shakeology with 8 oz Kefir, and 2 T pb2.  I am still on the fence about the flavor of Kefir.  Snacks poolside today were lots of strawberries, bananas and grapes.  The kids tore the fruit up.  They actually ate 2 big bunches of bananas and 2 pounds of strawberries!  We have some fruit loving kids.  Lunch was pb and nutellas on the 15 grain bread for the kids.  I had leftover cauliflower with a pat of real butter and a little fresh mozzarella.  We just got home and we are in need of some healthy snacks.  I put together a little trail mix for the kids using some cereal, choc chips (white and chocolate), cranberries and pine nuts.  I am having plain Greek yogurt, a little stevia, 2 T pb2, 1 T cacao nibs, 1 T mini chocolate chips and a little raw pecans.  It is probably a little too much for a snack, but I am having a late dinner tonight.  I have decided that I have an addiction to peanut butter.  I really don't know what I do without my peanut butter.

 This is what I put into the kids trail mix.  The stuff in the baggie is pine nuts.  It seemed to be a big hit!

Will work for...butter!

I was going to take a pic of my dinner last night.  But, then I realized it didn't look that good or exciting.  It was actually very tasty.  I had a salad with kale, spinach and romaine mixture topped with a little organic raw cheese, lots of fresh mushrooms, jimaca and a some Greek yogurt salad dressing.  I just tried jimaca and I like it.  I like how it gives my salad some crunch.  But please don't ask me to describe its flavor.  I told my friend yesterday that it was kinda sweet but more like dirt.  Not a great description.  Jeff grilled chicken legs.  I have never bought chicken legs before.  They were the all natural, no hormones, no steroids and on sale.  I made smashed cauliflower with a little coconut oil, fresh mozzarella and a smidgen of real butter.  It was great!  My kids ate everything too.  Jacob loved the jimaca in his salad.  After his salad was gone he said, "mom, I love how you put apples in our salad tonight!"  According to Jacob it tastes like apple.  Hmm...Jimaca pie, anyone? 
This morning the kids had Greek yogurt, toast and bananas for breakfast.  I couldn't pass up toast with the kids.  So, I had two slices of toast with real butter!  Real butter!  (I just wanted to say it again)  My breakfast was heavenly.  I know, it was toast.  I am not losing my mind.  The bread was Pepperidge Farms 15 grain.  I was really excited to see 2 slices is 10g protein.  I will probably have my shakeology in a little bit.
I always knew coconut oil and olive oil are good for us.  They are healthy fats and we really need them.  What I just learned is real butter is a healthy fat too!  It is okay to eat real butter.  Don't go crazy and eat the whole stick.  I thought this was the best news ever.  Stay away from margarine for ever...like ever. 
Last night I went to health food store for groceries.  This is so new to me.  I felt like when I walked in everyone there knew I had no idea what I was doing.  They would have been right.  And why does the health food store smell like hippies?  The first thing I noticed, besides the smell,  is how incredibly expensive everything is.  Really brings new meaning to saying, 'will work for food.'  I told Jeff that seriously, I am going to have to step it up a notch and make more money for us to be healthy.  I am sure we will find our groove.  A lot of staples I will not have to buy each time I go to the store.  Driving home I felt like there is no turning back now.  This has become an investment.

Himalayan Salt  $7.19
Raw pecans  $10.99
Raw pumpkin seeds  $6.49
Raw cacao nibs  $8.09
Raw organic cacao powder  $5.59
Powdered peanut butter  $8.99
Raw sunflower seeds  $3.39

Spent $50 and it all fit into one small sack!  Thank goodness I had a groupon.

Play date at my house

This morning for breakfast the kids had the healthiest version of cereal I could find with bananas.  I was feeling okay about this.  My sister called.  I was babysitting her kids today.  She called on her way here to say she was picking up breakfast and wanted to know if we wanted anything.  I said no.  Well, she showed up with 2 cinnamon roll things from ChickfilA for my kiddos.  They were excited.  It was hard for me not to sample them.  But I didn't touch them.  My breakfast was Shakeology with 8 oz plain Kefir.  I have never had Kefir before.  It was okay.
Today I hosted a playdate.  Hosting people over is a really big challenge for me.  I am trying to do it more often to conquer this challenge.  I love the socializing aspect of it.  I have a huge complex about our home.  I am grateful that God has provided us with a home.  But it is small and generally messy.  But my biggest challenge is feeding others.  It makes me nausous.  It is a huge weakness of mine and that is why I am intentionally facing it and working on it.  I had two friends over.  They had a combined total of 5 kids, plus I was babysitting my niece and nephew.  Don't forget my 4, so 11 kids ranging from 2 to 7.  It went really well.  It wasn't nearly as crazy as what I imagined.  Then came time for lunch.  One of my friends had to leave with her 3 kids.  I was making lunch for 8 kids and 3 adults.  Nearly disasterous is how I would describe it.  I was trying to think of something healthy, quick and easy for the kids.  I did not succeed.  I made them hot dogs (I know), with Anne's organic mac and cheese and pops chips.  All of the kids except one hated the mac and cheese.  They basically just ate the hot dogs.  Feeding the kids was a little chaotic.  Then I had planned on making this spinach and black bean wraps for the adults.  The had brown rice in them.  I have never made rice before that wasn't minute rice.  I started the recipe not realizing the rice takes 45 minutes to prepare!  My sister and friend basically just had salad.  My sister almost can't take me and my changes.  She asked for cheese and all I had was a block of raw organic cheddar that needed grated.  This was the constant theme throughout lunch.  I felt so unprepared. The kids asked for hot dog buns.  Well, mine were white bread so I threw them away yesterday.  Seriously, after an hour and a half I had my lunch complete.  It was good and filling.  Next time I would like more seasoning and flavor.  I used an Ezekiel wrap with brown rice, black beans, raw organic cheddar, a mix of spinach, kale and romaine, salsa and topped with plain greek yogurt.  I definitely learned many lessons today.  The biggest one is to be more prepared

!

Woah!

Dinner did not go according to plan.  The whole afternoon did not go according to plan. After our play date I needed to go to the store.  However, my son Jackson slept for nearly 3 hours.  Generally, I would be praising the Lord.  Today I had things I needed to do. When he finally woke up my sister and brother in law (who I work for) called and said they needed me asap.  Dinner was NOT healthy.  I am grateful that my sister provided dinner.  But it was pizza.  Okay, so dinner didn't go as planned.  I am already over it. Each day will have its challenges.  I am not changing our lifestyle to feel guilty about everything.  It is what it is.  I did go to the grocery store late tonight.  I am definitely feeling overwhelmed.  I am feeling pretty good about the staples I will be eating.  But I feel tremendously overwhelmed when it comes to what my family will be eating.  Everyday my hubby eats the same things.  Breakfast is poptarts and instant packs of oatmeal.  Lunch is either leftovers or tuna.  I need to find something to replace the poptarts.  Right now I feel like I am starving him.  Then, I have the huge challenge of feeding my four young kiddos.  Meal planning, budgeting, preparing and cooking are overwhelming.  Shopping tonight my cart looked as if it belonged to someone else.  Half of the items I have never purchased.  I have done so many different diets.  I have even successfully completed a 10 day cleanse that eliminated nearly every food group.  But tonight leaving the store I felt like I have met my match.  I guess in the past I never changed my family's diet.  I would buy my 'special diet' foods.  Then, I would still fill my cart with all the norms my family consumed.  So, the whole process wasn't so scary.  I am just going to continue to take baby steps one day at a time.  Tomorrow I plan on going to health food store to get some items the grocery store didn't carry.  I need pb2, raw cacao powder, raw nuts, Himalayan salt and some other items.

Just Tuesday

This morning we had a playdate with my sister and another friend.  My boys are definitely in a stage of bickerness.  They are constantly bickering, fighting, argueing, wrestling and tattling.  This morning was rough trying to get out of the house.  It is so frustrating to set up fun things for the kids to do and then fight with them to get out of the house. We met at the park.  This particular park the kids love.  It is a new park and the playground equipment is awesome.  The only downside is there is no shade.  There is also this ginormous hill the kids love to climb before we leave.  They call it the 'mountain'.   After 2 hours of playing and climbing the mountain my kids were a whining, complaining mess.  They all melted down.  Is that typical?  I feel like somewhere along the way I have raised lazy kids.  The whole meltdown just discouraged me so much.  The boys are only 6, and they are complaining like old men, like really old men. 
This morning I had my Shakeology for breakfast.  I mixed it will a Starbucks Via instant coffee packet, 8 oz almond milk, a little peppermint extract and lots of water.  It is delicious.  I love my Shakeology.  Snack at the park was a mix of berries and watermelon.  Delicious.  I felt very satisfied and not hungry.  Not hungry till we hit the car to come home.  Oh my goodness.  Maybe it was the stress of the kids and their meltdowns, but I was starving.  I was kinda getting shaky too.  I came home and made lunch.  That is huge for me.  At a moment of starvation and crying kids not driving through a fast food place was a major accomplishment.  This time I was strong.  By the way, forgot to mention the kids had bagels and cream cheese for breakfast.  Not healthy at all.  When I was munching on fruit at the park they were stealing their Aunt's potato chips. Again, not healthy.  Lunch for the kids was peanut butter (all natural, only one ingredient) and nutella on whole grain tortillas.  They had it with bananas and grapes. For me I had a turkey brat plain, a spicy black bean 'burger' with an ultra thin slice of cheese.  I also had a my 'dessert'.  It's a cup of plain greek yogurt, a tablespoon of pb (I am out of pb2), 2 stevia pkts, a few mini chocolate chips.  I probably consumed way too much protein and calories.  I can immediately see my need for veggies in our diet.  I haven't been to store in forever.  That is on my to do list for this afternoon.  The thought of dragging four kids to the store sounds horrible.  But Jeff is working late, so that is my only option.  Juliet didn't have a rollup for lunch.  She had a banana, cheesestick, and one packet of fruit snacks.  If you have stumbled upon this blog and find it boring to be reading what my kids and I have ate I apologize.  It is for me and my accountability.  Sadly, most days I have no idea what eat kid consumed.  I am trying to put some structure into our day.  Okay, till dinner.....

Clean

It has been on my heart for a very long time that my family and I need to be healthier.  It has been on my heart since the 3rd grade.  Now, as a mom, I really want to encourage healthy eating habits and being physically fit.  I truly feel that each month that passes I learn something new.  With each new month we are becoming healthier as a family.  I want to take that to the next level. Honestly, it is no secret that I desperately need to shed a few pounds.  My son, Jacob is already struggling with acid reflux.  My husband, as thin as he is, still needs to eat healthier.  He struggles with acid reflux as well.  My objective is to nearly eliminate fast food from our diets.  I don't want to simply be cooking more at home.  I want to be cooking clean and eliminating processed foods from our house and lives.  Does that sound like a lot?  It does to this girl.  I know with every ounce of me that we will accomplish this as a family.  I want a clean, active lifestyle without calorie counting.  I am not going on a diet.....ever again.  This is a journey that will last a lifetime.  I am ready.  Most important that anything else is I know God is with me on this journey.  I can feel his hand on me saying the time is right.  A lifetime of mistakes and learning has led me to where I am today.  Today I met with an incredible lady to help me start this journey.  People don't just fall into our lives.  God places them into our lives with a purpose.  This lady I met with has so much information.  She is passionate and has the heart of a teacher.  So, for now on I am using this blog as my place to talk fitness, nutrition, and all the struggles that come with making these dramatic changes to our simple little family.  This morning I left that lady's house feeling inspired, excited and my head was swimming with all the info!  Some of my major concerns that immediately pop into my head (I am sure there are more that will come along) is my major addiction to sugar, especially my afternoon stops at Starbucks, determining when I am going to workout and more importantly sticking to my plan and what the heck am I going to make for dinner.  I was going to title this post 'Day 1'.  However, that couldn't be farther from the truth.  These changes have been a long time coming.  And honestly, I have already been making many changes to our diet slowly, little by little.  Meeting with someone face to face and asking for help was a huge step foward for me. 

Welcome Race Fans!

It's race weekend in Indy!  Get your coolers, sunscreen and those crazy hats that hold your beer and get to the track.  Sounds like fun. That is not my agenda, but it could be yours.  We will be having our annual cookout at my parents house.  This weekend is going to be busy.  We will be celebrating birthdays, end of school program, helping with some major landscaping projects and trying to relax.  Oh, and I am planning on having a garage sale tomorrow.  That last one really stresses me out.  In my lifetime I have probably had at least 20 garage sales.  I still absolutely hate them!  It should be so easy.  Get yo stuff, put yo stuff on the lawn, people give you cash, the end.  Geez, but I feel like it needs to be organized, and marked with prices that are easy to see.  And should this event include baked goods?  Maybe, that's just me.  We have the boys' last soccer game of the season this weekend.  I love soccer.  I think that is my favorite sport to watch them play.  They are really getting involved and loving it.  Well, Jackson isn't playing.  This time it was just Jacob and Jonah.  I can't believe how aggressive Jacob has become.  I am thrilled and proud.  When Jonah isn't distracted by the dirt and rocks he is doing awesome too.  I used to get so frustrated with Jonah.  He is easily distracted by random things, like rocks.  But that is just Jonah.  Jonah's personality is amazing for me to watch.  At soccer a couple of weeks ago he was playing in the dirt.  The coach was telling him something.  Finally, our coach says, "Jonah, what did I just say?"  Jonah turned around and repeated everything single thing word for word.  It's almost like his brain can not do just one thing at a time.  He needs to be doing multiple things.  But I do wish Jackson would have played something this spring.  We gave him every option we could think of.  Now, he is regretting his decision.  Every week he has complained that he made the wrong choice.  The kids are growing so quickly.  It is easy to get sad thinking about how quickly time passes.  I try to focus on how blessed I am getting to watch them grow.  I haven't included pics lately.  Over spring break April and I took the kiddos bowling.

 This pic is just funny.  Walking past the bathroom I saw Juliet doing her business while on the phone.  I don't know where she would have learned this!  It cracked me up.  She will probably kill me one day for posting this.  By the way, this was taken after we brushed her hair.  I really don't know what happens.

Spring? Break

I am sad to say it is still very much winter in Indiana.  Last night it got down to a brisk 18 degrees!  This afternoon my car said it was 27 outside.  Not exactly spring weather.  Tomorrow at 3:40p spring break officially begins for us.  I asked all the kids if they could do anything at all on spring break what would they choose.  Jonah said stay home, play with his toys and go to Toys R Us.  Jacob said watch movies and cuddle with mommy.  (He is so sweet!) Jackson said he just wanted to stay home.  My boys are so adventurous, but I love their low maintenance, just content being home attitude.  My daughter said she wanted to go to Disney Land and then Disney on Ice.  She is not so low maintenance.  They make me smile so much.  We had planned on going camping.  That is in the past tense.  With the frosty temps we have decided to wait until summer.  For the next 24 hours I am going to planning and preparing for two weeks with four kiddos home.  I am excited!

One big item on my agenda for spring break is lots of exercise.  Exercise for the whole family.  I really want to instill healthy habits in my kids while they are young.  I am hoping and praying as they get older exercise won't be so much of a chore.  It will just be the norm thing you do.  For me exercise is something I have to be intentional about.  Recently, we put our Y membership on hold.  I adore our local Y.  We have spent countless hours there.  Since we are really knuckling down on our finances we chose to forgo our membership.  Speaking of saving...we are still sticking with our plan.  We have had some set backs (eating out) but we are very determined.  The next two weeks will be challenging.  I love splurging with the kids while they are out of school.  I want to plan lots of activities.  Jeff has next week off work as well.  Sticking to our budget will be especially challenging.  I am secretly in love with challenging myself to see how far I can stretch a dollar.  During Fall break and Christmas break we really spent a lot of money.  Well, a lot of money to us.  We did so many fun things.  I will be posting how we stay frugal during spring break later.

Yucky winter blues

I am very much struggling today.  In all honesty, I have been struggling for the past couple weeks.  I feel like the weather is to blame.  I don't remember a previous winter that lasted so long.  I think this might be another side effect of getting old...older.  Every time I go outside I want to cuss.  I seriously can't stand this cold weather.  I have two kids home sick today.  What have I accomplished today??  Ummm, not a lot.  I just want to lay in bed and hide until Spring has arrived and I bust out my flip flops.  As I type this I am watching the snow falling down outside by the truck load.  My darling daughter is playing Christmas music on my phone!  Lord, how I want to escape.  Ever feel that way?  Spring break is 4 small weeks away.  We plan on going camping...in Indiana.  Yikes, I am wondering if we will make it.  I am not up for camping when it is freezing.  We have to come up with a plan B.  I informed Jeff tonight my plan B is just get in the car and drive south until I am warm.  His response was for me to go to the tanning bed instead.  I reminded him we don't have the extra money for me to go tanning.  Then, he gave me the look.  The look that says, 'oh, but we have the money to drive south?'  Since we have been married we have been on a budget of some sort.  I know our family and friends get sick of hearing us say, 'sorry, it's not in the budget' or 'soon we will be debt free'.  But I am saying people, we are almost there!  We are so close.  We are so close to being debt free.  I am so focused, pumped, determined and filled with gazelle intensity to reach our goal.  We are living on beans and rice, rice and beans.  Well, not really rice and beans.  Last night I made a quiche with some old ham in the fridge.  I made gluten free pancakes.  My sister gave me some gf stuff after she did a diet.  We are not a gf family, but I never pass up anything free.  I filled the pancakes with some fresh blueberries that were past their prime.  My family loved it.  I made an oatmeal bake for breakfast this morning.  It literally costs probably under $2 to make.  It was delicious.  I am really enjoying making meals out of nothing.  The last two weeks my grocery budget was $75 for each week.  That is tight!  We are a family of six.  Did I mention we are not eating out?  We made it over 3 weeks before I caved and ordered pizza.  But I had a coupon.  This week our budget will have to be incredibly more.  We are out of everything.  I was explaining to the kids that our food light is on.  Much like when the fuel light comes on in the car (something my kids are way too familiar with), our food light is on in the house.  I could take the money to stock up, but I would rather watch our savings grow.  Plus, we haven't gone hungry.  Tonight we are having rice with chicken and veggies.  While the weather is so undesirable I really feel the need to declutter and eliminate the unneccessaries.  I just need to locate the motivation.  I think I am just having an undesirable week.  I started Monday morning off with my annual and a mammogram.  I had so much anxiety.  When I sat down with the lady who does the mammogram I said to her, "I just really feel too young to be here."  Her reply, "Yeah, well you are not!"  She was so sweet and kind and too honest!  It makes me laugh thinking about it.  I was leaving the appointment and I thought to myself "that was so easy.  I can't believe I was so nervous.  I would rather do that than get my teeth cleaned."  Right at that moment I received a text message from my dentist reminding me I have a cleaning in the morning.  Ugh!  I also have two sick kids at home.  And we are in the middle of a snow storm.  But God is good!  I am still filled with love and gratitude to God for this amazing life.  I am so blessed that I get to watch the snow from the comfort of my home, instead of driving in rush hour traffic.  My kids will return to school tomorrow.  I did enjoy spending the day with them.  Jonah said to me today, "mom, you know what would be sooo cool?  If we had $100!!"  I burst out laughing.  He said, "or maybe a one million dollars!"  Juliet is going through all my accessories right now.  She just came up behind me and put a lei around my neck.  I think she is ready for summer too.  And doesn't everyone have a lei in their accessories!?  Jeff has been working his tail off working overtime so we can reach our financial goals.  He does so much for us.  He never seems to stop.  I think I just found my motivation to get up and be productive.

Wine for Breakfast

As the kids are getting older they are really saying some funny things.  This morning I was cracking up.  I wanted to jot some of these things down before I forget.  I gave the boys grapes for breakfast.  I walked into the kitchen to find the boys smashing the grapes.  In unison they yelled, "Mom, we are making wine!"  Oh my!  I told Jeff I really hope they are trying to be like Jesus and not Mommy.  I couldn't stop laughing.  How could I be upset about smashed grapes?!

Last night I was reading in bed.  The whole family was sound asleep.  (btw, reading Dave Ramsey's Entreleadership and it is awesome!)  Without opening his eyes Jeff yells, "Get out the kitchen....NOW!"  Geez, even in his sleep he is disciplining the kids.  I didn't even wake him to let him know he was sleeping...and so were the kids.

I was dropping the kids off at school this morning.  Jonah says from the backseat, "I am going to pop this door open like a soda can!"  He says it with so much enthusiasm.  This is a quote from the movie Rio.  Jonah has had strep throat for the last two days.  He has spent all that time watching Rio over and over again.  Literally when the credits begin to roll at the end it starts it over again.  It is his favorite.  Jonah makes me laugh so much.  You never really know when he loves something or not.  His expression never changes.  When Jackson or Jacob (or typically anyone else) love or enjoy something they get excited, smile or sing along.  Not Jonah.  He has such a poker face.  He never really likes music.  Me and the other kids love playing music and singing along.  Jonah just gets so annoyed.  The other day we were listening to Jason Aldeans song 'The only way I know'.  When the song ended Jonah yelled, "play it again!"  I was so excited.  If you listen to the lyrics it is so Jonah.  Jonah is all about working hard.  I recently overheard him call his boss on his phone.  He said, "Boss, I gotta go to school tomorrow.  So, I need the day off.  Is that okay?  Okay. I be back at work later."  Yesterday I caught him with a screw driver trying to disassemble his bunk bed. 

Right now I have to go make necklaces with Juliet.  She said, "Mommy, today you only play with me!"  I think she was ready for Jonah to go back to school.

Weekend Fun

Juliet turned 4 on January 10th.  This past weekend we continued celebrating.  My sister and I took both our girls to see Disney on Ice.  My niece's birthday is in a few days.  It was so much fun!  My mom came with us.  It was a great girls night out.  Juliet yelled for Barbie when she made her appearance.  It was really cute.  While we were at Disney on Ice the boys were having their night out too.  Jeff and my brother in law took the boys to Monster Jam.  They really loved the monster trucks.  When the boys got home late at night they were so hyper.  Each of them couldn't talk fast enough as they described the evening.  It was awesome!

Girls Weekend

Over the weekend I had the great pleasure of traveling with my sister to Minnesota.  She had business on Friday there.  We made a girls weekend out of it.  Most of the weekend was spent at Mall of America.  That place is so much fun.  The biggest pleasure was being able to enjoy meals without kids.  We did enjoy every meal.  The food was definitely awesome.  It was great to spend time with my sister.  We haven't travelled anywhere together since before getting married!  I love to fly.  So, that was a special treat.  I never really get out.  I know that sounds funny.  When we arrived in Minnesota I was reminded how ginormous this World is.  People, construction, buildings and more people everywhere.  Sometimes I, and maybe you live day to day not thinking of this.  I am so grateful to my sister for the amazing weekend, for the opportunity to step outside my little box. 

Anxiously waiting...

When I started this blog I was just wanting a place to vent express all the great moments of motherhood.  I hate unloading on my husband when he walks in the door from work.  However, being a stay at home mom that happens often.  Since the boys have started kindergarten I feel like I am in a new chapter of my life.  Gone are the days of diapers (and accidents at the worst moments), spending hours on the floor with babies crawling everywhere, and days that are so routine but never quite the same as the day before.  (Typing that almost made me tear up...almost) Things are so different now.  Although my kids are still young (boys are on the verge of turning 6, Juliet is 3) things have just significantly changed.  The woman inside me, not the mom is needing a new venture.  I have this insane anxiety/anxiousness for the next chapter in my life.  Can I dare say it out loud?  Working.  I mean working for an income.  It is really on my heart right now more than ever.  I am consumed by it right now.  Praying day and night for something. What Lord is next?  The last two Sundays our Pastor has mentioned not being on our schedule but God's.  Sometimes we think God should moving, hearing us and responding now.  This is an emergency, right?  God where are you?  I know with everything in me he has more plans for me.  Plans to prosper!  I am confident in my faith that He has a plan.  I am waiting for it to unfold.

Has it really been a year?

Wow, I feel like I updated this blog somewhat recently.  However, it has been a whole year!  Time flies!  I have been feeling the need to get back to it.  The boys are in full day kindergarten.  My little Juliet is in preschool.  She only goes twice a week for 2 1/2 hours at a time.  But with the boys out the house so much I feel like I have time on my hands.  It is weird.  But one of my biggest struggles right now is balancing family time and me time.  I am home all day with Juliet.  I feel like I need to give her 100% of me.  Cleaning, exercising and shopping fall second to her.  Does everyone have this 'mommy guilt'?

Best of Intentions

Today is Wednesday. We have not left the house since Sunday. Only two days, but it is Summer. The season of being outdoors, doing something, anything. Not the season to stay inside. However, that is how I find myself most days. Four kids under five and I struggle. I have the hardest time controlling the kids inside. The thought of going outside is terrifying. I have recently spent much time wondering and contemplating why I don't want to do anything. This is what I have discovered. I feel like the second we go outside or try to do anything I don't have complete control. Things get crazy and the kids get dirty. When we are inside I have everyone nice and contained. I can watch everyone. No one is getting too out of hand. I know I am getting to a place where I am totally doing things with the boys. But then you throw Juliet into the mix and complete chaos. I really feel like most parents can not relate to this aspect of parenting. I try not to be over the top crazy mom about this but I am. The other night I was laying in bed planning out the following day. I was running through all the options. Then my crazy head starts into the crazy thoughts. I really want to create this vivid picture of how things are when you have so many kids that are so young. You have a child when they are young and they don't grasp the concepts of 1. pain, 2. consequences, 3. cleanliness. Now you are trying to teach that times 4. Okay, so anyhow....I do realize that I am over the top crazy about protecting my kids. I know I struggle with leaving the house, even venturing into the backyard. This has become progressively worse lately. And I know I don't like my kids to get crazy muddy. But I am one mom and I try very hard everyday. I constantly struggle with mommy guilt. All this leads up to today. I woke up at 5:30a to get myself prepared and cleaned up for the day. My plan was to get the kids up early, go to the Y to exercise (I also struggle immensely at taking time for myself), let the kids play, stop off for a quick trip at the library to get new books, pick up lunch and spend the remaining part of the day at my sister's allowing the kids to get filthy. I know that sounds like a lot, but we haven't left in two days. At 8:45 I made breakfast, laid the kids clothes out and then woke them all up. No one wanted to eat breakfast, no one wanted to wash up and forget about brushing their teeth. I explained to them that we were going to leave, but no cooperation. Really? Brush your teeth and we can leave. That is all I am asking. Still very little cooperation. Patience is draining from me. Jackson walks up to me with food in his teeth and says, "I brushed my teeth!" I replied with, "What did you use?" "Toothbrush!" Time out for lying! Among many things lying is a very big issue right now. It kills me how my kids can look me right in the eye and lye without their expression changing at all. I can not lie at all. Regardless, I was frustrated, disappointed and completely out of patience. I went into my bedroom and opened up my jewelry box. My good necklace and one of my good earrings was missing. Panic filled me, immediately I was sweating. I know I didn't leave them somewhere because I wouldn't have put one earring up. And the events in the last week quickly led me to my children. Two weeks ago I lost my bankcard. I was on the phone with AT&T ordering a new cell phone. I sat the card on the bookshelf. When I went back gone. We searched and never found it. I ordered a new one. A couple days later I lost my wallet. Okay this is getting silly. I am not the type of person to lose things. I am a little disorganized but my wallet. I called the store I was at earlier (Wonder Bread Outlet) and no luck. My only thought was I dropped it in the parking lot. I searched the car at least three times. I was getting ready to drive to the store. When I desperately looked at my boys and said, "Did any of you take Mommy's wallet? You will NOT be in trouble if you give it back." I was thinking this is one of the few times I had cash in it, Jeff's $50 Gander Mountain gift card from Christmas and at least six movie passes. As soon as the words left my mouth Jackson quickly runs upstairs and returns with my wallet. "Mom, you have money! Will you take me to the bouncey place so I can play games since I found your wallet?!" Um...that will be a ginormous NO! In that same weekend I lost my camera. I didn't have it for the boys last t-ball game. That was disappointing. Long story short Jackson ended up returning it to me. He had hid it in his room. He had taken over 100 pictures during the last couple of days. I know because the outfit he was wearing in all his 'self portraits' kept changing. Now, today my jewelry. I made the boys go to their room, hoping someone would return with it. In the meantime, I can hear them each throwing temper tantrums. I went back to my room, searching everywhere. Minutes later Juliet walks in carrying part of their bedroom door, "broke, Mommy, broke!" One of the boys had kicked in part of the bedroom door. Wow, really!? Feeling my heart race and anger fill me I rushed up the stairs. For some reason, I stopped mid point on the stairs and just prayed. "Fill me Holy Spirit, fill me Holy Spirit, fill me Holy Spirit..." That is all I could think of. Peace is what I felt. I calmly walked in and asked what had happened. Of course, they each blamed each other. I said, "you are spending the day in your room." I turned around and came back down stairs.

Food

Today for our cookout I made cheesecake stuffed strawberries. I found the recipe on pinterest. I am totally addicted to that website. These are strawberries stuffed with cheesecake filling with graham cracker crumbs sprinkled on top. Definitely will be making these again. This was our dinner on Sunday night. We marinated the steak in pineapple juice, honey, soy sauce, ginger and garlic. The skewers included red and yellow peppers, mushrooms, onions, pineapple and steak. They were very delicious.

4th of July!

Today we celebrated July 4th. We had a lot of fun. As usual, I uploaded the photos in backwards order. We ended our day downtown watching the fireworks. Well, the kids did not watch. This is what they did while the fireworks were going off. They ran around and took turns in the stroller pushing each other. Here is Jonah pushing Jackson. Jacob playing.

Jeff with Juliet. Juliet refused to look at me.

Me and Jackson after spending all afternoon swimming.

Savanah and Jackson posing for me.

I made the kids blue slushes with cool star straws for an afternoon treat after swimming.

Jacob and me getting ready to go swimming.

We are so festive!

The kids getting ready to go to Grandma Glo's. The boys each picked out a hat to wear. Juliet didn't want to be left out.

Jonah!

Jackson!

Jacob!

Pictures update 2

The boys and I made lemon cookies last week. The recipe said to roll the dough out and use cookie cutters. We decided to use dogs and dog bones. These were really good. The boys had a lot of fun using the rolling pin and cookie cutters. These pics were from last weekend at the Greenwood Fireworks. Here is Savanah and Juliet.

Family photo. It is impossible to get all six us looking at the camera at the same time. Five out of six isn't bad.